Going to a Wedding in Shanghai
Chinese weddings take place over four legs: house, papers, photos and party.
Leg 1: House
China is getting rich quickly, particularly in big cities. Nevertheless, incomes are still low which means that there is a strong ethos towards saving towards your family’s future stability and prosperity. When you are young, there are two major events that cost a lot of money. The first one is buying a house and the second one is getting married. In the UK, you need to buy a house before you get married or you will have to live with the in-laws. The major difference in China is that the man needs to buy a house to prove he is serious about looking after the family’s favourite daughter. I am a foreigner so I bent the rules by promising to buy an appartment a year or two later.
Leg 2: Papers
In China, you go to the wedding office to get your certificate by filling in the papers and handing over the money. You could almost be applying for a passport except there are a few flowers to remind you that weddings take place here. The wedding often happens at another time, sometimes months or even years later. For Chinese people, getting married to a foreigner is easier than getting a visa to go to the UK.
Leg 3: Photos
It is important to make the wedding photographs professional and expensive enough for a glossy bridal magazine. With this in mind, Chinese families spend a fortune hiring a studio to take the pictures weeks before the reception. Throughout the year, you will see couples and their families decked in wedding gowns as they traipse around Central Park in pursuit of a photographer and an assistant clutching a light scree. Jenny spared me this part of the ritual, because she is a fashion designer who enjoys beautiful clothes as part of her everyday work. Looking like a movie star for a one day photo shoot didn’t interest us at all.
Leg 4: Party
On Sunday, Gigi got married to her long term boyfriend, Mr Ni. Gigi used to be Jenny’s dressmaker and we still keep in touch from time to time. This party took place at a banquet hall somewhere near Shanghai North Railway Station. Like many Shanghai wedding parties, this event was a lavish affair involving hundreds of guests, multiple bridal gowns (3) and mountains of food and drink. We arrived late, but were still in time to see the exchange of rings that was followed by the bridal wedding toast drunk as the couple crossed arms with each other.
As the guests ate and drank, the couple changed and started singing karaoke. Later they danced to Tom Jones’ Sex Bomb, made speeches and started crying. I’ve never seen the couple have so much fun at their wedding reception. It is traditional for the couple to smoke cigarettes and raise a toast at each table. Seventeen tables later, they both looked a little tipsy and the guests began to fill up their doggy bags with leftover chicken and pork, before making their way home. The party ended before 9pm.
It is a custom to give the couple a big wedding gift or a red envelope filled with money. (hong bao) I hope they got enough to pay for all the nappies they are going to have to buy in a year or two. One child is enough unless they are both lonely children. Call this leg 5.