Catshanghai

Our six week old son Jake has a Chinese mother and a British father. This presents us with both amazing opportunities and challenges.

Textbook parenting differs between China and Europe. According to Chinese custom, postpartum women should observe bed rest for a month after the baby is born (yuezi). The child should not go outside under any circumstances except to go home from the hospital. When the baby reaches a month old the father is meant to cross a bridge cradling his child. It is also customary to shave the baby’s head and make a paint print of the baby’s feet and hands for posterity. The Chinese make a calligraphy brush from the baby’s hair. It is also very common for the grandparents to move in and takeover, making decisions about everything from the mother’s diet to the child’s future career.

Europeans are happy to introduce fresh air to newborn babies after only a few days. Postpartum women drive. It is frowned upon to feed babies with formula milk if the mother can produce her own. Newborn babies should never have a haircut and they should only ride around in a car sitting in a car seat fastened with a safety belt. Food allergies are common so breast feeding women should not eat peanuts if there has been a family history of hayfever, asthma or eczema. Half of my family are Jewish so it is very normal to circumcise an eight day baby boy. This never happens in China. Every culture has its own views of parenting.

It’s a minefield, which I think blew up in our face when we chose to shave Jake’s head on Tuesday. Here’s some background. Jake was suffering from cradle cap on his head. We tried to cut it a little, because his head was hot and sweaty and it was not very easy to apply cream on the rash. Our trim was not very successful so we called a professional company to come and shave Jake’s head. Two people have questioned me about this suggesting shaving our baby’s head was inappropriate, but it did not hurt him. He was asleep for most of the time and a head shave feels more like a gentle massage than anything else.

Jake’s First Hair Cut from Matt Seigal on Vimeo.

Jake is the centre of our life. He is a very happy, healthy child and everything we do is designed to ensure that is the case. We would never do anything to cause him intentional harm or discomfort. I am sure we will make parenting choices from time to time that fall outside of the expectations of people in China and Europe. That is inevitable, because parenting viewpoints are so contradictory between our different cultures. Jake is also our child and we will decide how to bring him up even if it is not in line with other people’s expectations. End of sermon.